Motherhood

In celebration of Mother's Day tomorrow, I figured I would write a little bit about motherhood.

The mothers in my life told me that loving your babies is like no other love out there. It is so true. Motherhood has given me a sort of patience I did not know existed. That little tiny being is just everything to me. Her smiles make my day. Her tears break my heart. And every little milestone makes me so proud. I have only been a mommy for less than 4 months, but I can't even imagine my life before Josi. I tell her all the time that she makes her mommy's heart go pitter patter and it is so true. She's the light of my life.

Motherhood so far for me has been defined as discovery. I have discovered things about myself. I have discovered that life isn't about me, it is about that little girl. I have discovered that it is possible to survive and be a functional adult on two hours of sleep for two weeks straight. I have discovered that I am one hell of a strong woman. I don't want to brag on myself, but I'm proud that I made it through the past few weeks. Joe was gone and Josi was really not feeling well (she's doing great now btw). I somehow made it through and came out more confident as a mother on the other end.

I do not plan to use this blog as a soapbox for my politics, but I must say this. Rep. Sally Kern stated on the Oklahoma House of Representatives floor a two weeks ago that: "women don't want to work as hard as men." I have this statement for her (and believe me if you are my friend on Facebook...I'm sure you saw my rants): WOMEN WORK TEN TIMES HARDER THAN MEN. Women not only are many times forced to be the sole caretaker of the children, they are also forced to be the sole provider many times. Regardless if we are the sole caretaker, mothers spend every waking second worrying about their children's well-being PLUS having to work. It can be exhausting being a mother and woman, but we do it because we love our children.

So all of that being said, I want to wish all of the mothers out there a VERY happy Mother's Day. I blame any ounce of motherly success on the mothers that I have learned from. Thank you to my amazing mother. I have so many wonderful memories growing up. She was blessed enough to be able to stay home with me. I was the only child for seven years. I treasure the many moments shopping, watching Sesame Street, eating my favorite snacks with her, going to the grocery store, our wonderful conversations. Now I treasure her much more now that I am a mother. She is my number one person to go to for advice on parenting. She is such a strong woman. She basically raised us kids alone, while going back to school, and has done her very best to provide for us. She does not think it, but I think she is the best mother ever. Not only is she a great mother, she is my best friend. I love you Mommy!!

I have also been blessed with two amazing grandmothers. My Bobba is one of the most important people in my life. She has the kindest heart and has been through the ringer herself. I have so many happy memories of spending the night at her house and talking so much about whatever. Every once in a while we still escape off together and have such a great time together. My Granny raised my two uncles and dad alone after my grandfather (I never met him) died. She always does everything she can to keep our family together. I remember spending the night at her house and playing board games until we were just exhausted. I remember her telling my stories until the wee hours of the night in bed. I remember going to work out with her and her old lady friends and I cherish the memories of our vacations we would go on.

In the last four years, I have been blessed to get another mother in my life, Kathy, my mother in law. Most women seem to not like their mother-in-law, but I think I'm blessed. She is such a selfless person and has really taught me what it is to love your children. She would do anything for Katie and Joe and now me and Kevin. I love her quirks and I feel like she is also one of my best friends. I love confiding in her and our long conversations about family, friends, cooking, bows, whatever. I am so happy that she is in my life. I know Josi is so blessed to have her as a Nana.

I would also like to say thank you to the other "mothers" in my life. You all should be commended for doing the selfless, thankless job of mothering. Thank you to Sara Jane, Cindy, Megan, Katie, Jenna, LeAnn, Kalea, Ashley, Jessica, and every mother of every shape, size, color, and creed. Thank you for loving your babies.

Be sure to thank your mommies tomorrow.

Pure Joy

Being a mommy can sometimes be the most rewarding thing in the world, but it can also be very challenging. I found a book called "I Was a Good Mom Before I Had Kids" which basically has the premise that mothers' expectations are ruining the motherly experience. I agree with this. I believe each mother has an expectation of what motherhood will be like for them and one doesn't really know until you get there.

In this book, they suggest identifying the things in your life that give you pure joy. So I am going to do it!

Before I get to being joyful, here is an update on my little Josi bug. We went back to the doctor three times last week. The doctor reluctantly is having us add rice cereal to her bottle and gave us a medicine for abdominal cramping. He said he thinks that is why she appeared to be in so much pain because she was cramping so bad. She had an upper GI done and it was just horrible. They had to strap her to a table and strap her arms and head down. I had to feed her barium and she was crying so hard she couldn't breathe. It was traumatic for both of us. But, the results were good. They found no physical abnormalities, but as soon as she took the barium, she started refluxing. The radiologist said that she was refluxing pretty bad (I knew that!). Anyways, as soon as we started the new regimen, including the expensive hypoallergnic formula and also Prevacid twice a day, she has shown much improvement. She is actually happy again and sleeps. I forgot what it was like to have a happy baby. I thank you all for your sweet comments of support and all of your prayers.

Here are some things in my life that give me pure joy:

Josi's smile in the morning
Perfectly made Starbucks
a good nap cuddling with my Penelope
a fresh haircut
fresh flowers
OU football (when we win)
all the many inside jokes between me and Joe
intiating political action and watching it succeed
Twitter
a yummy glass of wine
sunny and 75 degrees
sleeping in
uninterrupted sleep
sushi
when my candidate WINS
hugging Joe after he has returned from a trip
watching my brother and sister succeed
knowing that my little girl loves me more than anyone in the world
Babies R Us
a perfectly fitting pair of jeans
my Hunter wellies
the moment when all of the laundry is done, folded, and put away
The West Wing
Sex and the City
good music
playing guitar
Trader Joes
being in DC (just for visiting)
NYC
going to Nats games
seeing my YDA family
days when there is NOTHING to do
cooking chili on a chilly day

That is all I can think of for now!! What give you pure joy? Write it down and do those things as much as you can. Life is about being happy and not stressing about the little things.

Reflux

So I dove into this motherhood thing believing I would have enough time to blog about it. Well things have been quite different than I thought.

Let me get you updated....

My sweet little Josi was born on January 24th and 11:39pm. It was a great moment to finally meet my little girl. She is a beautiful little girl, but has been far from an easy baby. Birth story will come later..

About 3 weeks into this whole motherhood thing, and many days and nights of constant fussing and crying, Joe and I decided we had enough. We took her to the doctor and he said she had acid reflux. I totally know what she feels like because I had it horribly while I was pregnant. Our pediatrician put her on Axid and changed her formula to soy based formula (We had just stopped breastfeeding at this point...that was a horrible experience for me...more on this another day). It seemed to end her fussiness and she seemed like a happy, normal baby...or so I thought.

Two weeks ago, Josi and I decided that we would take a mommy and me music and play class. I was beyond excited about this. Josi is very alert and I knew she would love it. Well she did in fact enjoy the first 30 minutes of the class. Then all of a sudden she began crying as if she was in pain. I tried to console her and nothing I did worked. Finally, after enduring stares from moms and all of the children at the Norman Gymboree Play and Music, I gave up and decided to take her home.

That weekend, she progressively started to get worse. Crying a little bit more and more intensely every day. Finally, Monday came around and I called the pediatrician again. They decided to up her dosage of the Axid. The pediatrician also diagnosed her with Sandifer's Syndrome (it's not as bad as it sounds). Sandifers is an infants reaction to the pain of reflux. She will be laying there perfectly happy and then all of a sudden she jerks her head to the left, arches her back, is very silent for a second, and then lets out a shrill of a cry. It's quite scary. The doctor said many parents mistake it for a seizure. Well Wednesday rolled around and the higher dosage still wasn't helping. The nurse said to give it a couple of more days unless she got worse.

Well it got worse...

Thursday had to have been one of the most difficult days I have ever faced. She cried for 16 hours that day. I just had to hold her tight and rock her. Nothing I did worked and she was visibily in pain. That night, she woke up multiple times each crying out in intense pain. She slept in the Sandifer's position when she actually did sleep. I decided that was ENOUGH.

We went back to the doctor on Friday. They changed her formula to the fabulously $25 dollars a can hydrolyzed formula and also switched her to Prevacid. I had so much hope that it would help. She seemed slightly better and even sat through Easter Sunday church, but then we started having a couple of bad spells and today was even worse.

I do not want to sound selfish, but I am going to talk about myself for a minute. When you have a baby, people sometimes forget to ask how YOU are doing. Everything becomes so hyperfocused on the little one...and believe me..I'm constantly hyperfocused on her...you forget that you may be losing it as well. I know many of you may not care about the nitty gritty of this sitatuation and believe me, I know I have an otherwise healthy baby. I thank God for that every day. But the past two weeks have really been trying. Seeing your little baby go through so much pain and not being able to help her has been just horrible. The sleep deprivation we went through when she was a tiny, brand new baby is nothing compared to what I have been going through the past few weeks. Last week, I didn't get more than three hours of sleep any night. By Sunday evening, I was seriously delirious. I kept forgetting to put my car in park and almost fell asleep on the road (this is something I have NEVER done). I do most of everything alone because Joe is gone right now with the Air Force, and even if he was here, she only wants her mommy when she is crying. I want my happy baby back. I want her to be able to lay on the floor and play. I want her to be able to enjoy her little life and not have it in pain. I want to stop being woken up at night to the shrills of a baby in pain. I don't want to look back at her infancy and remember it like this.

You would think they would be able to just find a cure or a quick fix for infant reflux since 25% of infants have it, but alas, they have not. Tomorrow, I'm calling the doctor and demanding he refer us to a pediatric GI specialist. I hope we can find an answer. She grows everyday and I feel her infancy already slipping away from us. Time flies!

I wrote this as I needed to vent... The last couple of weeks have been very challenging and have been a true test of my patience. I never knew I was capable of loving anything like I love my Josi. I never knew I was capable of being so patient with a little one, even living through the sleep deprivation and inability to cook a good meal. It is true...she cries ALOT...and it is LOUD...and she fights me when I try to hold her, but maybe when she is in pain, she knows her mommy loves her and is just trying to make it better. At least I can give her that. I may not be able to take the pain away right now, but I can give her as much love as possible.

4 Days

So, I've decided to jump on the Mommy blogger bandwagon... I figure why not? It will give me another place to post pictures of my sweet little gal.

We are 4 days out from Josi's arrival. It seems like I have been pregnant for half of my life and it is just going to be such a joy to meet her. Just like me, Joe is busting through the seams with excitement. I'm a bit more nervous than he is (for OBVIOUS reasons), but I'm just ready for Monday to get here.

The room is ready..check
We are stocked up (for now!) on diapers...check
Closets are clean (nesting..what!?)...check
Mommy uncomfortable...check
Now we just need our little gal!

Stay tuned...